To My Second Kid

I recently saw the video of the moment we found out we were having you - our second little girl.  I cried but not quite like I had when I found out about your sister.

You see, with your big sister I was terrified that I wouldn't be good mom to a little girl. I was scared that we couldn't have a healthy, loving relationship - I didn't know what that kind of relationship would even look like.  Then I had her in my arms and love conquered all. All fear. All pain. All insecurities.  Our relationship just is. She is her own little person, I love her and she loves me.

There is something so simple and pure in love. I wish I had known that before and had not been so afraid.

Then you came along and I cried again, but that time I cried because I was so excited that I got to do it all over again. I got to have ANOTHER little girl. Not one, but TWO. Two girls that I can raise to be strong, brave, confident and loving. Two girls that I can encourage, love, snuggle, tickle and teach.

I will always strive to be the kind of mother you girls need, and at the end of each day I'll go over in my mind the moments I had with you girls and challenge myself to be the best mom I can be.  I'm sure there will be days when you girls can't stand me, and I'll be scared that I'm not the best mom, but love will conquer all.  I could never have imagined the kind of love that I have for you girls -it is going to embarrass you girls when you're older I'm sure. 

So for you, my adorable second kid, you get a mom that is a little more at ease, a little more tired, whose hands are a little more full and whose hair is a little more gray.

You, my wonderful second kid, get a mom that is tirelessly working to be the first - the first person you see loving unconditionally, the first person you see willing to sacrifice with joy, the first person embracing who you are and teaching you faithfulness.  The first to challenge you, encourage you and love you. The first to hold you up so you feel strong and the first to hold you tight when you feel weak.

You are earnest, full of joy and your eyes are wild with wonder and curiosity.  You are a sweet, gentle and graceful addition to our family.

You, my luminescent second little girl, are so loved.