"Your Love Defends Me"

At the beginning of the year as I was praying for my family the song "Your love defends me" by Matt Maher kept playing in my head.

Quick rewind: I was not praying for my family because I'm holy.  I was praying for them because I'm a bit of a control freak.   

How so?  Well, I want my kids to be safe because I protect them. I want my marriage to be good because I work at it.  I want my family to be cared for because I do it.  But that isn't how life works and God operates, is it?  Life happens. Shit happens!  God is working regardless.

On some level, I recognize that I am not in control of all those things, so I repine for a bit, then I pray.  Super holy, I know.   So there I was, praying for more control, and hearing the words "your love defends me", when suddenly it was right in front of me, moments when I looked back and saw that God had defended me, defended my kids, my marriage...my family.

I didn't know what to do with that. I want to be loved because I am worthy.  I want things to work because I put in the work. 

But nope, there I was, a person that can't ask for help from anyone, realizing what God was doing for me, without me even so much as asking.  

Even when I didn't even see it at the time, and even when I was bullheaded enough to think I did it.  He was my defender.

What can I do with that?  

I think what I am supposed to do is give God what is His already.  The burdens on us caregivers and providers are heavy, and at times it can be difficult to see through the challenges we face to not only recognize that it is beyond our control but recognize who does and should have the control.  As they say, let go and let God.   

He has been and still is defending us.  

What I can do is trust His plan, have faith in what He is doing and embrace the joyful things that he put in my life. 

I encourage you to stop today and think about how God has defended you.  Have a moment of joy recognizing that the person who knows you best, loves you the most.  You're not in control, but rejoice, because the person who is in control infinitely loves and defends you.  

Oh joy!
~D&H